B is for

Buttwoopin

I pulled some down right dumbass stuff when I was a kid.
My Daddi had this "friend" .. we are gonna call her T. T had two daughters who were a good bit older than I was. One was named Mary, I thought she was the coolest person EVER. In retrospect she wasn't that cool and to be perfectly honest ... well... she was... she was an idiot. I was probably 7 or so and she would have been 14ish and we got along smashingly. If that gives you any idea as to her mental shape.
We managed to find trouble on a constant basis most of which was fairly harmless. We did take my mom's 22 once and we shot out the land lords windows, oddly enoughall we got from that escapade was a stern lecture on not aiming guns atliving people or the places where they may be. We were caught "playingDoctor" more times than I could possible hope to count, and were known for making the boys who lived in my trailer park cry. We did EVIL things to them.

Once one of the older boys (I'm not sure how old he was, but Iremember he was growing facial hair and could drive a car)told me that he had a bag of candy left over from Halloween at his place which was overthe bridge on the other side of the trailer park. He said if I would come get it that me an Mary could have it. Only I had to come by myself because his mom didn't want kids in the house and I would be small enough to sneak past her.
I'm not sure how much you as the reader knowsabout me at this point. so I will tell you this, I am allot of things, but fool isn't on that list.
So I tell Mary that I'm going over the bridgewith this big kid and that he says no one else can come. Then I "meekly" take his hand and we walk towards his trailer. Mary and I already know about boys like him. Once he and I have crossed over the bridge to the back half of the park Mary goes through the brush then down the creek so that she comes up behind the left side of the park. This puts her near the back of his trailer. She watches us walk quietly up to his trailer door. She watches him open the door and lead me in .
He leads me down the hallway to the back bedroom of the trailer past a rear door which I stumble past grabbing the knob an unlocking it in the process. I ask "where's your mom I thought we had to be quiet" he says "O she isn't home" I respond with "ya I didn't think she would be." and he looks at me kind of strange. Then smirks "You know the score huh? I knew you and that little snotty bitch friend of yours were dirty girls." He reached out to grab hold of me. His face was scary all pinched up and angry, then it just kind of went slack as this loud PING noise filled the room. Mary hit him a second time with the skillet growling "Snotty bitch!" . "what now? you think he really has candy?" Mary always carried this odd sort of hohumness, this way about her that seemed like every moment was utterly ordinary to her. I pulled my thumb out of my mouth "naa prolly not but I bet he's got moneys somewheres round here tho. Don't big kids always gots moneys?" Mary nodded and started trying to fit her hands into the pockets of his skin tight jeans.

The walls were papered with posters of scary looking guys, halfnaked girls, and there was weird junk everywhere. At this point I didn't know what rock music was my Mom always listened to oldies or country same as my Dad.
We tore apart his room and came up with money, a pack of smokes, some "green crap" that I had seen my cousins with, and a mounds candy bar. "BLECH thats not candy whys he wanna eat that, thats so gross!" I whined loudly. Mary picked up a note pad from beside his bed found a blank page and scrawled some words on it. Words were still kind of weird to me as well. I knew letters and how to write words but I couldn't relate in my head those symbols and the words that came out of my mouth. So I asked her "watcha makein?" she read it aloud to me "dear this guys mom your son is a nasty perv momo. please beat him. " It made me laugh hard . in case you don't know a momo is what we called the dirty guys who touched you . In school I heard them say molester and I did to that word what I do to all words I adjusted it to suit me. "Hey you gotta add that she needs to teach him to eat good candy" I giggled. After a moment or two of scratching the pencil against the paper she chimed "And please buy him better candy it may be why he's a momo. signed Xs and Os 2s" the two is what allot of the kids around the park called us "oh no here comes the two" We went to the other bedroom and Mary laid the notebook on the bed. " No you gotta hide it so he won't see it" I chided. I always thought I was the boss. "If we hide it how will she see it?" Mary countered thrilled to have a good point. Then her face lit up and I knew she had thought of a good idea. She slid the note book carefully under the pillow and put the covers neatly back on the bed. "now she'll find itwhen shes gonna go to bed an he can't just see it." I told her she was the smartest person ever, which made her grin so big it looked like it should hurt. We locked the trailer door behind us and snuck back to our half the park thru the brush. We stopped by my trailer to hide the smokes and green and then made a bee line for the piggly wiggly. When we got home with a big old sack of candy and other junk the back half of the trailer park looked like a Christmas display. I was fascinated by the lights an stood real still watching them.

Mary grabbed me by the arm and drug me into the trailer. My Dad, Mom, T, Mary's sister, and myGrandparents were all sitting in the living room. Not one of them looked happy. "Where the fuck have you been?" My Daddi had a voice that could be heard for blocks and in the tiny space of the living room of a two bedroom trailer it was a deafining roar. Mary broke instantly, see T was a single Mom and Dad played enforcer for the girls. Mary was terrified. She spilt it all , I was shaking and crying because she was shaking and crying and it must be horrible if it upset Mary.
The looks our grown ups wore when they heard the whole story.
The olderboy, me unlocking the back door, the skillet, taking his money, and leaving his mom a note.
Grandma went white, Grandpa was mumbling prayers under his breath, Mom was laughing , Dad looked like he wanted to smile but knew he shouldn't, and T was furious and screaming at me about being careless and at Mary about me being a little baby and not bait...
All we knew was that we were busted .. all of the grown ups broke out into anargument about whether we should be allowed to keep our loot... they eventually decided that we were to be grounded but allowed to split our candy.
The cops never came .....

Like I said I pulled some down right dumbass stuff when I was a kid.