of needles and wings

"She was a looker once wasn't she?" I ask openly of the girl sitting in front of me. She sits cross legged on the floor head lolling to the left, mouth slightly open, and the lids of her dark eyes nearly closed. she opens her mouth only slightly wider and mumbles something that sounds like " I'm not sigh I'm juss a lil tiwred cush i ain't beend sleepin sho well." If you have ever known a girl like her you learned fairly quickly to translate thru the opiate slurr. " Or it could be the pills. You think, maybe your tired becuase of the pills hun?" I know what the response will be long before I have finished the sentence. "noooo, I didn't take no pills. why would you say that? I don't take pills. I'm just tired i told you. Besides you know i can handle my drugs and i only had three cottons thats not enough to get me off... you know that." Her lover emerges from the bathroom of their tiny efficiency apartment theres a strap mark fresh and red in the pale white of his skin. still rubbing the site of his injection he sinks to the floor behind her and begins nuzzeling her neck and hair. I'm struck by the contrast of their skin hers being this dark deep tan naturally inherited from her father who was rumored to have been from pakastan, his pasty white i wouldn't even attempt a guess at his linage just general Caucasian you know. He's cooing at her now "i love you baby. you are so perfect how did i get so lucky to find you? god your so beautiful!" Theres nothing quite like Junkie love. here they sit all cuddeled up an being cute. Her sporting a black eye and busted lip from where he hit her, and him sporting a large bundeled of bandaging on his thigh from where she got mad and stabbed him over a rig of heroin last night (which is the reason he hit her this time) but never forget they are in love. I can't help myself a very loud very dramatic sigh escapes me .. they both look up at me an she says "don't worry baby you'll get a good guy one day. he won't be as good as mine, but don't forget he is mine an you can't have him." This odd barking laugh flows out of me " ya i'm sure one day i'll find mr. right. Thank you for thinking of me." At this point he has all but removed her top, Mind you that crammed into this room are the three of us an six other guys. Oddly enough only two of these other guys are actually looking at the pair of them . it seems that even other junkies are annoyed by her. I take a long slow drag off my cigarette and think to myself.. you know if i wrote these people as characters i'm not sure anyone would believe they were real.. While her lover openly mauls her in front of this audience comprised mostly of people who appear to be repulsed she begins to repeat her dialog. one which we have all heard a million or more times. "My mom tricked me an stold my daughter... they won't let me have her back... i miss her sooo much.. it wouldn't be like this if she was here you know... I love her... She's with my EX's parents.. those snotty rich fuckers won't let me spend time with her.. they say i'm a drug addict! Can you believe that a drug addict ?? me a drug addict? HA ! assholes just want to steal her because she is so perfect" he swats her "playfully" on the back of her head it makes this big WAP noise and he chides her "I told you not to dwell on that anymore it only makes you depressed. I like it better when your happy. here take this it will make it better baby" he crams a pill into her mouth this time it's one of the bars they just bought off me. normally i make my drop and leave but theres alot of cops roaming the hood so i'm laying low here for a few minutes. honestly tho at this point being arrested seems preferable. i get lost in my thoughts in a memory of a conversation with my daughter .. she asked me if selling them the drugs made me just as awful as they are for being addicted to the drugs . i told her honey look in momies purse how many pill bottles are there . she counts them and comes up with 15 but only 13 different kinds of pills. i say to her baby you know they are there and yet are either of us so high on those pills that we can't speak? she says no mom i hardly ever even see you take them. i say yea thats cuz i have self control an so do you. those people aren't my responsibility they know what they are doing and don't care. they will do what ever it takes to feed their addiction so why not let their addiction buy you the new shoes you want? she looked puzzled for a moment and says mom you are always talking about helping people and doing whats right even if they were gonna try to get it from somewhere shouldn't you try to help them get control? I have tried baby i took that girl to sign into a rehab three times now. I don't have to help people who won't help themselves. theres a difference between enabling her and her habit and helping mrs. smite with her lawn .. I'm pulled out of my thoughts by what sounds to be a scuffel i open my eyes to find one of the other guys has pulled out his rig bag and she is crawling across the floor begging the guy for his rinse crying that she hasn't had anything all day an she's dope sick he mumbles "whatever bitch" and she's on him now rubbing his cock and cooing at him about how she would do anything for just a little bit her lover is nodding out an unawares the guy shoves her away from him .. i notice he is nicer than most of them the others would have out an out hit her. he looks up for help and realizing he isn't going to find any. he promises her his rinse if she'll just shut the fuck up. he breaks out a small baggy full of white powder i can tell from across the room that it's nothing i would ever be interested in it's clumpy and kind of gooey looking, he gathers his odds and ends out of his rig kit. When she sees the bag her whineing and cooing hits a new level of annoying plaintive wail. she's on him again i am amazed by how fast she moves she has crossed the distance between them and has his pants undone an his dick in her mouth before he has time to even protest not that he could do much he has a cup of water and a spoon in one hand and the powder baggy and dart in the other. her head bobs furiously up and down on his crotch and all he can say is "bitch get off ..." he's screaming for her lover to come and get her. Now i'm a helpful person but i'm not getting near either of them especially not knowing if that dart is clean or dirty. so i get up and take three steps across the room to kick her lover only there isn't much response so i kick him again and hard this time. HE comes around begrudgingly and i grab his hair and point him at his girl "hey man you better get her before she makes him spill his shit an he beats the shit out of her." She realizes that he's awake when he grabs her by her ankle and drags her towards him and begins to scream "he was rapeing I would never cheat on you . HE was rapeing me !". he is screaming at the guy "Your like my brother man, how could you do this to me?" the guy with the baggy is ignoring them both and working at getting his rig in order. i won't lie i'm laughing full on out loud this is some comical shit guys it really is .. fuck jerry springer and jerry lewis we need a jerry junkie show for TV.

Yeah i know it's typo heaven sorri